Alright hermanas. Buckle your seat belts and hold on to your kids because this email is going to be quite the (w)ride. And don't be too alarmed by the title of this email. It will make sense eventually. Okay yes I know that last week I said I was gonna do short emails but guess what? I lied! I’m not making any more promises. If I have time to write something long I will, and if I don’t i’ll write something short. It's not even that long so don't worry. Whatever the Lord wants. But anywho, it’s been an absolutely insane week. Just found out last night that I’m getting transferred. More info about that in my concluding remarks haha. Alright but here we go boys!!!
Andre, the stickmaster
BOB
Spanish Ferb Latin
First time drinking alcohol
Sunday talk
Concluding remarks
Andre, the stickmaster
This story is absolutely legendary so I really hope I am able to recapture it right. So, me and Elder Morgan had just done a bunch of leaf raking for a member, but then we had to make like a tree and get out of there because we had another appointment with a member. So we were driving up the street, when I saw a family out raking leaves. So, we stopped the car, got out, and offered our help. They said yes so we went in the back and got raking. It was awesome haha. They have four boys who are 13, 12, 10, and 7. So we were all raking. The 7 year old is hilarious. His name is Andre. I don’t know exactly what was going on in his head, but he has a major fascination with sticks. While the rest of us were raking, he was looking for sticks he could destroy. I wasn’t super aware of his fetish at first, but I learned quickly.
I found a super straight stick, it was incredible. As Lehi would say, “It filled my soul with exceedingly great joy” (1 Nephi 8:12). It looked like a wizard’s wand. I showed Andre and was like “look! It looks like a wand!”. He looked at me and said, “can I see it?”. So I gave it to him. He looked carefully at the stick, and then looked back up at me. “Do you like this stick?”. “Yes” I said. Then suddenly his body and soul were filled with the utmost rage and contempt for this helpless stick, and with all the strength of his little 7 year old body, he grabbed both ends of the stick and karate chopped it in half with his leg. I was stunned. “Andre!” I said. “I liked that stick!”. I looked at him closely, tears gushing down my face, with some hope that he too would feel remorse for what had just taken place; but it was in vain. He didn’t care.
Just kidding I wasn’t crying but I was kinda shocked at how much he hates sticks. However, I too am mischievous. I observed that he enjoyed breaking sticks, but had a much deeper fascination with breaking the sticks that I liked. For the next little while, I’d be raking leaves and he would approach me with a stick and repeat the previous ordeal. He’d ask me if I liked it, and when I said yes, he would murder the stick right in front of my eyes. It was horrifying. I let him continue his routine for a little while, but then my genius plan was created….in my mind. He came up again and said “do you like this stick?”. Ready for me to say yes so he could continue to destroy all of my hopes and dreams, I confused him greatly when I responded with “no”. He was stunned. He held the stick closer to my face. “This stick? Don’t you like it?”. I was like “ehhhhhh no.”. I really had him stumped, but he was greatly determined. He threw that stick on the ground and went searching for another stick. “How about this one?”. “Nah, I don’t like that stick”. After letting him struggle for a little bit to find a stick that suited my highly esteemed taste in sticks, I said, “Alright Andre, I’ll tell you what my favorite stick is, but you have to promise me that you won’t destroy it”. “Okay sure” he said. “Liar” I thought. But it was all according to plan. I then pointed to the big oak tree we were standing next to. “That is my favorite stick. I love that stick.”.
I wasn’t sure how he was going to react, but this little fellow was determined to crush my dreams. After processing what I said, he didn’t hesitate to get to work. He sprinted towards the tree, stick in hand, and started hacking at the tree. He was relentless. I felt kind of sorry for him to be honest. With a stick in either hand, for a good 10 minutes he hacked away at the tree as hard as he could. After a little while, I could tell he was exhausted. “How many more hits do you think until I destroy him?” he asked. I was like “I would say somewhere between 1 million and 10 million”. He’s probably still learning his numbers because this didn’t discourage him at all, in fact I think it boosted his spirits...oops. After another couple of minutes of hacking, a little piece of bark fell off. He was thrilled. “Look! I have created major damage!” he said proudly. I was laughing so hard. I was like “nice man! Keep going!”. After another little while of trying to axe down this tree with two twigs, I think he started to realize that he needed to rethink his technique.
He then asked his older brother, “do you have any weapons I could borrow?”, after which his older brother replied “a weapon is the last thing you need”. That had me laughing pretty hard too. But again, Andre was so set on crushing my favorite stick, that he would not give up. His new technique I found quite fascinating. Using the two twigs he had been using to saw the tree down, he began scratching them together in the attempt to create fire. He told me with firm conviction “I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR STICK TO THE GROUND!!!”. This actually kind of terrified me. I hope I don’t hear something on the news later about a fire that broke out because a kid tried to light a tree on fire. Anyways he spent a good little while trying to start a fire, and I started feeling guilty again. I would occasionally give words of encouragement like “hey! I think I saw a spark!” and so forth. After a while, he started to lose hope of breaking my favorite stick, but it was a very enjoyable hour for me to watch him try and destroy it. During this whole time I had been raking leaves and bagging them, and then he came up to me and started punching the bag I was filling with leaves. I was like “dude tfeakwerb”. In his mind I thought that he probably thought the bag of leaves was like a punching bag, so I held it there for a bit and let him continue to punch at it. Then I had another genius idea. “You know Andre, I bet if we fill this bag up with even more leaves, it would make an even better punching bag, making you even stronger!”. His eyes lit up, and he started moving so fast to fill up the bag with leaves. After each bag he would fill, I would give him 10 punches and then we’d move on to the next bag. I took great pleasure out of watching him fill the bags instead of me.
Anyways that’s basically the story of Andre the stickmaster. We named the tree he wanted to destroy Bob. More info about that in the next segment.
BOB
Man, this was also so funny. Honestly this entire week was just filled with memes. I have dabbed more as a missionary than I ever have in my entire life. I’m sorry to admit that, but the mission does stuff to ya. Old memes just come alive. Hopefully this isn’t permanent. Anyways, so when we first met this family raking leaves Andre asked me our names. I was like “I’m Elder Wride and that is my companion Elder Morgan, but Elder isn’t our first name. My first name is Ethan and his first name is…Bob”. I don’t know why I told them Elder Morgan’s first name was Bob. Just thought it would be funny I guess, I mean, they call us by our last names anyways so it shouldn’t make a difference. Anyways I totally thought Andre had forgotten that Elder Morgan’s first name was “Bob”, but while we were talking about what to name my tree he was like “we could name it after Bob” pointing to Elder Morgan. I got a kick out of this and was like “haha alright sure” so we named my tree Bob, and Andre inscripted the name Bob into the tree.
Anyways, flash forward. So when we raked leaves with the family, we taught them the restoration and scheduled a follow up visit. So a couple days later we walked in and they let us take a seat at their dinner table, and the dad was like “thank you very much Bob and Ethan for coming by…” and I just lost it. So funny! Andre’s smarter than I thought because apparently the whole family thinks his name is Bob. I wish they would just call us by our actual missionary names. This is why you don’t tell people your first name in the mission. Anyways it was just pretty funny. They’ve been texting us too and they start off the text with “Hello Bob and Ethan…” and it just kills me every time.
Spanish Ferb Latin
So me, Elder Pugsley, and Elder Kimball have been teaching this amazing family from Mexico over Facebook, and long story short….they’re getting baptized! We’re so hyped! So we got in contact with the missionaries in Mexico to help us teach the lessons. So we were in a lesson with me, Elder Kimball, the family we’re teaching (Shelina) and the Mexico missionaries. But Shelina’s connection goofed up and she got booted from the call, so me, Elder Kimball, and the Mexico Elders just started talking about stuff. I asked them if they knew any english, and one of them knew a little. So I did something horrible. After he told me he knew some English, I started speaking ferb latin to him. His mind exploded. Elder Kimball was laughing pretty hard because he knows about ferb latin, but both of the mexico elders were super confused. After letting them be scared for a little bit, in spanish I was like “nah don’t worry that was just gibberish”. It was pretty hilarious!
First time drinking alcohol
Last night we had another call with the Mexico elders and Shelina, except this time Elder Pugsley joined instead of Elder Kimball. We were teaching them the word of wisdom. As the mexico elders were talking about the importance of not drinking harmful substances, I had a bottle of apple juice. The container was clear, so it honestly did not look like apple juice. I would take sips occasionally, and then started to notice the somewhat confused look on Shelina’s face. Then it hit me. I interrupted the lesson and was like (in spanish obviously) “this is apple juice, not alcohol”. It was quite hilarious. Then I pretended I was drunk. Haha jk. But the lesson was super good and Shelina and her family are the most amazing people ever. Kinda sad honestly that the most elect people that I am teaching live in Mexico. Man I wish I wasn’t in the US right now!
Sunday Talk
So those are some of the highlights for the week. Also on Sunday I spoke in church, so I’m going to attach a little bit of the end of my talk as spiritual edification for the day.
Being a missionary is the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life thus far. Seeing something so amazing make me so happy and wanting nothing else but to see that change in others, and then for others to ignore it breaks my heart. I have never felt more related to Alma in my life. He says in Alma 29:1-3 in the Book of Mormon-
“1 O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
2 Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance, and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.
3 But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.”
This is why missionary work is so hard, because we can clearly see what people need in their lives to get solutions to their problems, but they can’t. We called a guy the other day to do a lesson and he said “actually this is a really hard time for me and I’m feeling spiritually distant from God and I have a lot of trials, so I really don’t have time to hear more about Jesus Christ”.
I’m just like “whaaaatt?” Bro! This is what will solve your problems! This is the perfect time to hear more about Christ!
Anyways, I didn’t think missionary work would be so hard, but at the same time, the fact that it’s so hard in and of itself testifies that this is indeed true. Jesus Christ came himself and dedicated his life to preaching His gospel, that of faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. And yet, as it says in D&C 138:26
“...there were but few who hearkened to his voice, and rejoiced in his presence, and received salvation at his hands.”
If Jesus Christ, the only perfect missionary to have ever lived, came and was ultimately rejected, I must be truly doing His work, because missionary work has been a ton of rejection. But it has also been full of tender mercies and miracles. I know that this work is true and important.
I’d like to close with things that I know. I know that this church is true, and I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Praise to that man for everything he did. I know that he was a prophet called of God to restore the true church and true gospel of Jesus Christ in these latter days. The evidence of that is overwhelming. He wasn’t a perfect man, but he was a great man, who’s sole desire was to please the Lord and do his will. One of my favorite stories of him comes while he was translating the Book of Mormon. The account says -
Emma (his wife) often acted as Joseph’s scribe after he began translating the record. One day, while he translated, Joseph suddenly grew pale. “Emma, did Jerusalem have a wall around it?” he asked. “Yes,” she said, recalling descriptions of it in the Bible. “Oh,” Joseph said with relief, “I was afraid I had been deceived.”2
This line in and of itself truly describes the prophet Joseph Smith. He had no education and no money. I am so confused as to how people think the Book of Mormon came about. Like, bruh, come on, Joseph was a prophet. One does not simply write the Book of Mormon. You write one! Try it! It’s impossible!
There is no middle ground. Joseph Smith was either a prophet, or he wasn’t, and the Book of Mormon is either true, or it’s not! But yes, he was a prophet and anyone who truly studies will know that as well and will not be able to deny it. Had Joseph Smith been a false prophet, the church would not be as strong and as good as it is today. Through him, the Book of Mormon was translated and through that book, we are able to draw nearer to God than by any other way. Another story I love about Joseph Smith came near the end of his life. The account says:
“Once he was kidnapped by two men who held cocked pistols to his head and repeatedly threatened to shoot him if he moved a muscle. The Prophet endured these threats for a time and then snapped back, “Shoot away; I have endured so much persecution and oppression that I am sick of life; why then don’t you shoot, and have done with it, instead of talking so much about it?”
He was fearless, because he knew of his divine calling, and he knew God knew it, and in his own words “I could not deny it”. I invite anybody struggling with knowing of Joseph Smith’s divine calling to study and pray about it. You will come to know, as I and millions of others do, that he was and is a prophet.
I testify that the Book of Mormon is true. I know it, and that can not and will not ever be shaken from me. Anybody who denies it has not studied and pondered it’s teachings with a pure heart, real intent, and faith in Jesus Christ.
I am reminded of a story Elder Tad R. Callister of the seventy shared of a 14-year-old girl who had been discussing religion with one of her friends at school. Her friend said to her, “What religion do you belong to?”
She replied, “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormons.”
Her friend replied, “I know that church, and I know it’s not true.”
“How do you know?” came the reply.
“Because,” said her friend, “I have researched it.”
“Have you read the Book of Mormon?”
“No,” came the answer. “I haven’t.”
Then this sweet young girl responded,
“Then you haven’t researched my church, because I have read every page of the Book of Mormon and I know it’s true.”
I too have read every page, and I testify that the Book of Mormon is true. That is something I do not doubt even for a second, and that is something every one of God’s children is able to know as well, if they will humble themselves and read it.
I can’t say enough about how much I know the Book of Mormon to be true, as I’m sure many of you feel the same way. You just have to read it. If you want a testimony, read it!
I want to go on and on, but nothing I say proves anything I have testified about. It is, and always has been, our decision whether or not to choose God’s path, the one that will make us truly happy. But please remember this. Elder Ethan Wride knows these things are true. God has a plan for you, he loves you, he wants to help you, just let him. I invite everybody here to remember that the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the gathering of scattered Israel is the most important thing going on in the world right now. If you lose yourself to this Gospel, you will find it, and the Lord will help you in all things, both spiritual and temporal.
I testify of Heavenly Father’s love for us, and the love I have for him.
I want to end with a scripture that better says what my heart is feeling.
Alma 5:44-48
44 For I am called to speak after this manner, according to the holy order of God, which is in Christ Jesus; yea, I am commanded to stand and testify unto this people the things which have been spoken by our fathers concerning the things which are to come.
45 And this is not all. Do ye not suppose that I know of these things myself? Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety?
46 Behold, I say unto you they are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. BEhold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of revelation which is in me.
48 I say unto you, that I know of myself that whatsoever I shall say unto you, concerning that which is to come, is true; and I say unto you, that I know that Jesus Christ shall come, yea, the Son, the Only Begotten of the Father, full of grace, and mercy, and truth. And behold, it is he that cometh to take away the sings of the world, yea, the sins of every man who steadfastly believeth on his name.”
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Alright fellas, so yea I’m getting transferred. I’m surprisingly sad. Nobody saw this coming. Our whole apartment is kinda sad. I’m gonna miss these guys. We all thought either Elder Morgan would get transferred or we would both stay. So yea. I’m leaving Elder Pugsley’s zone so I probably won’t see him for a quite a while. He’s gonna have major withdrawls. Pray for him. Also this week we had a time to go play frisbee with Andre and his family but that aint happening anymore. I’m big sad. Anyways, now I’m stressed about getting a new comp, a new area, new district, zone, etc. But overall, things are decent here on the mission. It’s not at all really what I thought it would be. I can’t even really imagine life at home anymore. This all just feels so normal. But anyways, pray that things will be really good in my new area. I’m stressed. And the saddest part is that I am leaving Steph. I almost cried. My 2021 Ford Equinox. I’m gonna miss her so much. Fingers crossed that my new car will be straight fire. But then again, nobody compares to Steph. I made Elder Morgan swear to me that he would keep calling her Steph even while Elder Bowles will strive to change it.
So I’m about to start a new chapter in my mission. From high school, to Lancaster CA, to MTC online, to Frontenac, and now to somewhere else with more weird people and interesting experiences. Fingers crossed.
That's it for this week boys! If you read this whole thing, you should probably reevaluate how you spend your time. Haha jk. But yea I’d appreciate any emails. They are my favorite.
Talk to you fellas next week!
